Good morning everyone! I pray everyone is having a blessed Sunday.
For me this morning isn't a happy morning. I had hoped that since grampa passed 4 months and 6 days ago, I would be able to handle things better. I have yet to visit his grave, but this morning I find myself longing to go. I can't say if I will try to, but I can assure you that my missing him gets strong as the minutes pass. I realize he isn't really there, but then again, part of me feels like we never lost him. Like he is still in the hospital waiting for us to come and get him. The rational side of me knows he has gone to be with our mighty Lord. The irrational side of me wants to go pick him up and bring him home to us. It is selfish to wish him back from where he has gone. I realize that.
At his funeral, although Brothers Johnny, Dean, and Eugene, gave a beautiful testimony of grampa's life, nothing could truly tell who he is. No words said could have given him justice. Words could never offer up the wonder of his life. A WWII veteran, a farmer, loving husband, loving father, grandfather, great grandfather, and friend. Those words mean little if you knew him. Nothing said could ever tell anyone who he was. I won't even do him the injustice of trying to explain who he was.
As I straightened my hair this morning, a LOT of thoughts came to me. The thought of how at times it feels he left me here. Left me without anyone who takes time to listen, care, love, or understand me. Although, he left me with people who love me. He left me with those who also, at times, don't show understanding. They don't understand the aches and pains this body of mine has. The emotions and feelings of my mind. The breaking of my heart. So, I find myself(not just for today) needing to go to the one person, other than God himself, who ever understood all of me.
So with all this said, although, my mind still wants to talk, I am going to post this poem that I just wrote this morning. When you bow your heads today, please remember me and pray that God helps me daily to understand and accept this whole ordeal.
Today I sit with tear filled eyes
Wishing to have back all the goodbyes.
God took you to a better home.
No more need for you to roam.
I wonder how I can go on.
Knowing you have met the Son.
This is once I should be happy
Instead I feel so crappy.
God took your hand
And took you to that promised land
Far from my sight.
To a land so warm and bright
Today I’ll go to visit your empty shell.
What I’ll feel I can not tell.
To see the ground all sunken in.
A place I’ll find to kneel and bend.
I’ll say a prayer for my strength.
To touch the spot we put you beneath.
I know your not there for me to see.
But I know I’ll feel you beside of me.
Holding me close so I don’t fall.
In you arms I always felt so small.
For this day, I’ll shed a tear.
And pray that God lets you always be near.
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